Living with Anxiety -- Why I Choose to Medicate

I went off for a bit shortly after I got married and relapsed severely. 

I went off, had a baby, and relapsed severely.

Those times I tried going off the medication, I was totally ignorant of all of the natural alternatives there are out there for all kinds of health issues. 

I had never heard of "clean eating." I never knew the all the processed foods I was consuming were reeking havoc on my body. 

I never realized that there are a gazillion chemicals that make our life more convenient, but are often dangerous for us. 

I knew nothing about herbal supplements or essential oils.

Slowly over the last few years, I have been learning about natural ways of living and changing how we operate in our household. I promise I will share with you about many of these changes that I LOVE and have made our lives better.

I began to read testimonies of people who were able to eliminate all medications from their lives through clean eating, herbal supplements, and/ or essential oils. 

Since this was something that I had never tried, I wanted to give it a shot. So, I stocked up on essential oils. Got the right supplements, and seriously tried to keep my diet clean. 

In future posts, I will go into more detail about the specific things I did, but this post is to give you a general idea of why I went back to medication.

To sum it up best: I now fully understand why my mom and dad both told us kids that they want quality of life over quantity of life. There were many MANY episodes, paralyzed in my room, when all I could think was, "this is too hard. No one should have to live like this." 

The thing about anxiety is you don't wanna live this way, but you're also too afraid to die.
(Whew! Heavy, I know).

All of the natural remedies in the world don't work if you don't do them, and that's what happens when I get in an anxious state. I don't care about anything. 

I don't brush my teeth
I don't wash my face
I don't rub oils on my feet
I don't swallow 6 pills (big ones)
I don't eat

If you have never experienced mental illness, it's very easy to say, "just do it. Get up and do what you need to do." I can actually totally understand why people who function normally would think that.

But, though I KNOW it, when in the mode of panic, it doesn't matter. I can't explain it. It just is.

I was getting sicker and sicker. I was losing weight at a rapid pace. I really was malnourished, and therefore was constantly feeling tired, weak and dizzy which then just made me feel more anxious. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.

I wanted to drink a cup of coffee in the morning with my husband again. I wanted to go out with friends again. I wanted to eat a cookie. I wanted to be able to take care of my kids without having to park them in front of a video to go recover from panic or have someone over to help me.

So, I am choosing to chemically alter my body. I am aware that there isn't much research on the long term effects of the medicine. I am aware that it could shorten my life span overall, but I don't care. 

I can function. I feel like myself again. I am not saying I am anxiety free or never have a panic attack. But, I can handle it. It doesn't send me spiraling down into a pit of despair. I am happy to be living life again instead of just trying to survive another day.

I'm sharing this simply to encourage those of you struggling with the decision to medicate. I know it's a tough one and not something to take lightly. You get STRONG arguments for medication and STRONG arguments against it. Ultimately, it's something you have to decide for yourself, and stand firm in the fact that you are in control of your own body. Because, no matter what you decide, people will still give their opinions after the fact : /

How about you? Is there a particular moment when you said enough is enough and started meds? 

Are you able to control things naturally?

Whether you are happy on the natural route or on the chemical route, encourage each other in the comments.


  1. I can say I was fortunate enough to get through my panic/anxiety without medication, but for me, the cause of anxiety was friendships in high school and/or lack of confidence. Once those issues resolved, and I understood anxiety and what it does to my body, and I should add, when I became at peace with the thought of someday getting very sick or dying (which caused me great stress), most of my anxiety vanished. So, I recommend counseling/therapy to get a the root of what's causing the anxiety, and if it can be "fixed" in some way (through therapy or life changes), then ultimately, that's the best case scenario. But I also wonder if anxiety is caused by chemicals and my body happened to change after pregnancies and my body just no longer was prone to anxiety...? Hard to tell, but if none of the above works, then by all means, medicate to improve your quality of life! Life will be short anyway, and every day living with anxiety and panic seems like a horrible year...

    1. I totally agree with getting therapy/counseling. When you can get to the root of things, most of the time anxiety will disappear. I also DO think there is chemicals and hormones involved. Like any organ, the brain and glands can malfunction. That would explain why 1 in 5 people will experience a mental illness in a given year. Sometimes, people experience one bought of depression or PTSD or what have you and then, never experience it again... Just like someone may get an ulcer and it heals. But, the brain and glands can malfunction in a long-term way as well... like someone with diabetes who's pancreas can't produce enough insulin. They need insulin the rest of their lives. I have been through therapy. I feel like I have faced any of the potential "root" causes. But, my brain continues to malfunction. I will need the medication for long term and I don't view it any differently than a diabetic or someone who needs a hearing aid. Thanks for sharing your experience! I so appreciate it.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story, Tyler. I appreciate it so much. I feel like many diagnosis have become buzz words these days. I also think that there is much over medicating today -- especially in children. So, I went through the same frustration of people describing their "panic" but also went through times of wondering if I was over medicating...