Sometimes, when I worship at church, I just sing without really paying much attention to the words.

Then there are times when the words (usually a single phrase) hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. Sometimes those words have a life changing affect.

This song has a phrase that has gripped me for the last few weeks:

You

You are my first

You are my last

You are my future AND MY PAST

(Lyrics by John Mark McMillan)

We have all heard the advice. You know... Don't dwell in the past; live in the now. Be present.

I think it's good advice, but I feel like today's American culture pretty much interprets that as FORGET about the past; disregard it.

We certainly need to be present. We certainly should not DWELL in the past, but we most definitely should not forget/disregard it!

I have noticed that this disregard is often accepted regarding the Old Testament of the Bible. "Why read the Old Testament? Jesus cancels all that out. The Old Testament God was hard to palette. I prefer the loving (less angry) God of the New Testament." 

Honestly, I was among those people. 

Then few months ago, I attended a life changing conference and heard THIS talk by Brad Gray. 

Seriously, friends, this information is LIFE CHANGING. And if you were ever unsure of the relevancy of the Bible, this will surely convince you. 

It turns out that the entire Old Testament actually points to Jesus in very direct ways. When we study the life of Jesus, it is completely apparent that his actions are directly reflective of happenings in the Old Testament. 

I'm not just talking about the over arcing fact that in the Old Testament, people sinned and God was mad so, He sent Jesus. That does definitely explain the actions of Jesus, but it's so much MORE than that. Jesus' actions make WAY more sense to me now that someone has pointed out the direct connection between the Old and New Testaments. 

The point is: The whole Bible is relevant. All the books are part of the whole story (that God hasn't even finished yet!). God knew what He was doing in the Old Testament. He knew what He was doing in the New, and He knows what he is doing now and in the future. 

I am grateful for that... because, I have been remembering my past. Recalling a lifetime of health issues. I have written about some of them already, but this last year, I have discovered there is something other than mental illness that has been causing these issues. There is a root to it all. 

Lyme Disease.

I'm going on one year of treatment for Lyme, and it's been hard. REALLY hard. It's easy for me to feel sorry for myself and wonder how different (better) my life could have been had I found out sooner what was causing my issues. I can easily dwell in that. 

When I, instead, dwell in the Lord, I understand that He is the God of my future AND my past. My past is part of a whole story. Since He's got the whole story under control, I don't need to dwell in the past, but I will not disregard it or try to forget it. 

I am confident that the connection between my past and future will be used for good! 

How about you? 

Do you have a tendency to dwell in the past or are you quick to try to forget/disregard it?

Creature of Comfort -- An Ode to My Bed

My bed is my sanctuary.

I know everyone needs sleep and, therefore, pretty much everyone looks forward to laying down on a comfy bed for a peaceful slumber. 

But if you asked someone, "what is your happy place?" Chances are they'd mention tropical islands, beaches, gardens, with friends or family, etc.

My happy place is my bed.

I'm not particularly proud of it, but I'm coming to terms with it.

It's my place to think and dream. It's my place to escape. It's a place of rest and recovery.

It's the place where I feel the least amount of anxiety. 

If I am feeling anxious, I guarantee if I can lay down in my bed, it will dissipate very soon. 

If I am in the midst of panic and unable to physically get to my bed, my bed is what I visualize and it helps me to sit in my feelings/symptoms and "float."

The reprieve from anxiety is why I am quick to go to bed at night and slow to leave it in the morning. It is my most reliable coping mechanism. It's been there since the beginning.

How about you? What is your happy place? Tell me in the comments : ) 

Just Do SOMEthing

I really envy task oriented people. 

My husband, for example. He is a "get 'er done" person. He sticks to a schedule. He writes a list of roles and goals everyday. He talks about "big rocks" and "important and not urgent or important and urgent" or whatever... He's a Seven Habits guy.

In fact, he has to WORK AT BEING LESS TASK ORIENTED AND RELAXING MORE. Whuuuuuut?!

I have no idea what that is like.

It's not that I want to sit around and do nothing with myself. I have all kinds of things that I need and want to get done. My head is usually racing (especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep; so frustrating!) with tasks, goals, and new ideas. It is quite overwhelming.

So, like any other person, I make a list; organize my thoughts. Hoping that this will make it all less overwhelming. And everyone says it's so satisfying to check things off the list... blah, blah, blah...

"To Do" lists overwhelm me. 

The thought of ALL THE THINGS I need to do actually often paralyzes me and I end up doing nothing. 

                                                

I wish I was the person who has no idea what that is like.

One day as I was sitting on the couch looking around at the mess that naturally happens when a family of four lives in a house, feeling overwhelmed at the amount of things that needed to get done. I basically said to myself, "Eff it, I'm going to do something I WANT to do."

Somewhere in my "To Do" list history, I was convinced that I had to do things in a certain order. I had to get the daily, monotonous, not fun things done before I could do anything that would fulfill me professionally, creatively, or even personally. 

Like... I wouldn't even read, because I hadn't yet done the dishes or laundry or vacuumed. Yet, because I desperately don't want to do dishes or laundry or vacuum, I just sit there. 

What the heck? 

If I am just sitting there, I could be reading and checking books off of my huge list of "books I want to read!" Know what I mean? 

So that day, I got up off the couch and painted a shelf. I love a good DIY project.

I did something and it felt good to get it done.

Turns out, when I just do SOMEthing from the overwhelming list, I tend to feel motivated to do other things too... even the things I really don't like doing.

And BTW, now I keep a book downstairs (I used to really only read at bed time). Because, if I'm on the couch feeling overwhelmed at the roles and goals of my life, at LEAST I can read.

Also:

There have been times in my life when even the things I enjoy were not motivating. If you are, or have ever been, struggling with depression. You are not alone. It is a real illness, and I understand (and wish everyone understood) that you can't just do SOMEthing to snap out of it. 

So, do you relate? Do you ever feel paralyzed by all the things you want to accomplish? How have you overcome that? Share your tips and thoughts in the comments!