When you've been married for 15 years, and you are more in love than ever: 

A Simple Approach to Meal Planning -- From a Mom Who Hates to Cook

I hate cooking.

I could bake all day. Baking is usually a treat so, you just have a little bit at a time. Usually the labor of baking is enjoyed over a few days. 

Cooking on the other hand... devoured. In five minutes. 

Baking, my kids love. My cooking, hit or miss which I know is normal, but none the less annoying and joy stealing.

Fact is... food is a major part of life, and I want to feed my family good food. 

We eat pretty simply around here. I used to be overly concerned with variety. Worried about my family getting tired of the food I make. Then, I started thinking about the past. Like pre-internet past, even pre-tv past, before people were so connected to the whole world. People didn't eat Chinese food if they weren't Chinese. Most people ate what they grew. No matter how big your garden, you were bound to repeat meals.

Mike and I have made great effort to simplify our lives. Why not apply that to our eating?

Simple is okay.

So, I compiled a list of all of our favorite meals. There are about 25.

*Edited to add: I guess we have more than 25! I had some requests to share our go-to's so here it is.*

My husband, God bless him, does our grocery shopping once a week. On grocery day, I make my weekly plan. I only plan ONE meal to cook a day. Ideally each person gets to pick one meal for the week.  

Our breakfasts are always quick and simple: smoothies, fruit, oatmeal, toast, eggs, etc. Sometimes, waffles or pancakes are actually one of the planned suppers. So, I make a big batch to freeze. Then, we can pull those out for a quick breakfast as well.

Lunch is either left over supper from the night before or what we refer to around here as "snacky lunch." I simply set out containers of pre-cut veggies, cut up an apple, set out a container of grapes, maybe add some slices of cheese, a few tortilla chips or pretzels and voila! Lunch. The same, every day... the kids don't care. Neither do I. 

Believe it or not, I have tried menu planning before; it never stuck. 

Two things have made this round of menu planning stick for that last several months.

1. Posting the menu on the fridge. 

Before I had it written in my planner. I don't know what it is about the visible reminder, but it works!

2. NETFLIX. No joke. 

I realize I am privileged to afford Netflix, but there are plenty of ways to watch free shows too. PBS, NBC, ABC and most other networks air their shows for free online. We don't have an actual TV. I just set up my laptop or my phone. Watching something I enjoy (which is currently the Great British Baking Show) while I cook has taken the drudgery out of it all. 

Do you love to cook or, are you more like me? I would love to hear how you plan meals. OR share what meals your kiddos love. Because, in reality, my kids really only like about ten of the 25 meals I make : /

Just Do SOMEthing

I really envy task oriented people. 

My husband, for example. He is a "get 'er done" person. He sticks to a schedule. He writes a list of roles and goals everyday. He talks about "big rocks" and "important and not urgent or important and urgent" or whatever... He's a Seven Habits guy.

In fact, he has to WORK AT BEING LESS TASK ORIENTED AND RELAXING MORE. Whuuuuuut?!

I have no idea what that is like.

It's not that I want to sit around and do nothing with myself. I have all kinds of things that I need and want to get done. My head is usually racing (especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep; so frustrating!) with tasks, goals, and new ideas. It is quite overwhelming.

So, like any other person, I make a list; organize my thoughts. Hoping that this will make it all less overwhelming. And everyone says it's so satisfying to check things off the list... blah, blah, blah...

"To Do" lists overwhelm me. 

The thought of ALL THE THINGS I need to do actually often paralyzes me and I end up doing nothing. 

                                                

I wish I was the person who has no idea what that is like.

One day as I was sitting on the couch looking around at the mess that naturally happens when a family of four lives in a house, feeling overwhelmed at the amount of things that needed to get done. I basically said to myself, "Eff it, I'm going to do something I WANT to do."

Somewhere in my "To Do" list history, I was convinced that I had to do things in a certain order. I had to get the daily, monotonous, not fun things done before I could do anything that would fulfill me professionally, creatively, or even personally. 

Like... I wouldn't even read, because I hadn't yet done the dishes or laundry or vacuumed. Yet, because I desperately don't want to do dishes or laundry or vacuum, I just sit there. 

What the heck? 

If I am just sitting there, I could be reading and checking books off of my huge list of "books I want to read!" Know what I mean? 

So that day, I got up off the couch and painted a shelf. I love a good DIY project.

I did something and it felt good to get it done.

Turns out, when I just do SOMEthing from the overwhelming list, I tend to feel motivated to do other things too... even the things I really don't like doing.

And BTW, now I keep a book downstairs (I used to really only read at bed time). Because, if I'm on the couch feeling overwhelmed at the roles and goals of my life, at LEAST I can read.

Also:

There have been times in my life when even the things I enjoy were not motivating. If you are, or have ever been, struggling with depression. You are not alone. It is a real illness, and I understand (and wish everyone understood) that you can't just do SOMEthing to snap out of it. 

So, do you relate? Do you ever feel paralyzed by all the things you want to accomplish? How have you overcome that? Share your tips and thoughts in the comments!

On Thirteen Years of Marriage

Last month Michael and I celebrated 13 years of marriage.

We sent our kids to stay with my brother's family for the whole weekend! We ate out at TWO restaurants. We drank beer until 10:30 PM! We didn't wake up once in the middle of the night for TWO whole nights!

... and we spent half the time working through some things.

'Cause marriage is all sunshine and unicorns right?

At least, that's kind of what we expect when we are young and in love and want to spend every living moment with our significant other.

When you get engaged, everyone wishes you a life of everlasting love and happiness. Couples tell you their "secrets" to a life of wedded bliss: always say you are sorry, be quick to forgive, laugh a lot, and never go to bed angry... They make it sound so easy.

I'm here to tell you it's not always easy. If your marriage has been easy. You are blessed!

Then, add kids to that marriage equation and you get a whole new dimension of work.

With kids around, it's really difficult to have uninterrupted talk sessions with your spouse. Sometimes the lack of communication can cause us to stuff our feelings until the opportunity arises that we can release them. That's what happened to us this year on our anniversary weekend.

It's funny, you see... Mike and I are a picture of redemption. Our first few years of marriage were, ummm, errr, well... not great. There came a point where we almost didn't make it. If you'd like to know more about our story, you can read it here on my previous blog space.

We have come so far since then. We are very open and honest about our marriage journey, even speaking publicly about it in an effort to help and encourage struggling couples. The last few years of our marriage have been wonderful and healthy.

But, even in the healthiest of marriages, life happens and all of a sudden, we realize that some things are being neglected or taken advantage of. When we actually get a few moments to process, we realize something is amiss and needs to be evaluated.

That's when the work begins. Work is a good thing. Work is hard, but we can do hard things.

It's hard to hear that I have hurt my spouse.
It's hard when my spouse hurts me.
It's hard to express my emotions in constructive words.
It's hard for me to accept responsibility for my actions.
It's hard for me not to make excuses.
It's hard to say I'm sorry.
It's hard to forgive.

It is so much easier to ignore, to pretend like everything is fine, or to find escape. But that will inevitably lead to anger and bitterness. When anger and bitterness take root, the problems will only continue to grow deeper and stronger.

It's not exactly how envisioned the beginning of our weekend, but it was good to work. When you work hard and accomplish much, it feels gratifying and rewarding. Working through issues is not a fun process, but the result of the work is a deeper and stronger connection with each other.

I love the feeling after the hard work (which in the midst seems so far away). It's like you're falling in love all over again. The trust between you has grown another level and the conversation changes to the good things in life and dreams for the future.

The two of us have grown exponentially in these 13 years together. We can't imagine doing life with anyone else. It is a blessing to be able to say that we are very happily married. But, I want you to know that we are happily married, because we are committed to working hard at being happily married.

I am eternally grateful for God's grace. His grace is enough to cover any of our situations past, present, and future! Wherever you are at in your relationships right now, take comfort in His mercy.

What is something you wish someone had told you at the start of your marriage? I wish someone would have told me that you will have the same arguments/conversations over and over. Both of you forget or get lazy and things will need to be re-hashed again and again. Share yours in the comments.