Living with Anxiety -- Dealing with Daily Dread

There are hundreds of comics and memes out there that joke about Mondays. Most everyone dreads Monday. It usually means the end of the weekend, back to the grind. It's the end of relaxation and back to work.

For many of us who live with anxiety and other mental illnesses, every night is like Sunday night; we dread the next day. Or for others, like me, the dread comes in the mornings.

When I was in elementary school and middle school, most every morning I went through episodes of panic that often included feeling sick to my stomach. I remember the short car ride to school that I always wished was longer. I would feel panic right up until I got to my locker.

Morning dread has been an constant presence in my life. It is definitely better with medication, but it hasn't totally disappeared. Here is what it can like for me:

Eyes open
Deep breath
Shallow breathing
Heart rate up
Battle of the brain -- I don't wanna get up -- talking myself into getting up
thoughts about the day -- kids need me, tasks need to get done...
All of me wants to turn over and go back to sleep.
I JUST DON'T WANNA!
Kids call out
I JUST HAVE TO


Since going back on meds and using coping strategies from Dr. Claire Weekes, I can usually get up, take action on my day, and be fine. But in my times of breakdown. I often took way to long to get out of bed. Many days, I would bring the kids into bed with me. I'd let them watch TV while I tried to recover from major panic attacks. Or, honestly, I would just sleep more. It never ended well. Inevitably, the kids got cranky, because they were hungry. I'm sure you can imagine the scenes that followed.

Here are some things that I have been doing to help combat the morning dread. Don't get me wrong, these things have not eliminated the dread, but have helped me get through it faster.

1. Before heading to bed, make a schedule for the next day, especially if everyday is different. Being a free lance artist and stay at home mom, every day is different. Starting a day not having a clear vision, for me, leads to feeling paralyzed and then, nothing gets done.

I like to sit with the kids and make a schedule with them, giving them a chance to pipe in things they want to accomplish too. I don't actually state times; it's more just a list. For example:

eat breakfast
read stories
free play -- mom works
bake muffins
lunch
outside
stories
Reuben nap -- Gwenny quiet time
laundry
clean bathroom
supper
choir
bedtime

A list like this is very flexible, but gives just enough structure for our day.

2. Have a relaxing night time routine: After the kids are down, I wash my face, brush my teeth and all that jazz. Then, I will check my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest accounts. All with the lamp on, because staring at the screen in the dark is scientifically bad for you -- it will keep you awake. Technically, I probably shouldn't even check my phone at all, but I do. 

Then, I read. I read until I can hardly keep my eyes open. 

Reading keeps my mind off of all the thoughts that intrude upon my brain which keep me from sleep.

3. When you wake up, breath deep and ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL the feelings. Don't fight it or try to make it go away. Accept the racing heart and shallow breath. Accept it all knowing that it will go away AND you can still function even when your body feels this way.

4. Knowing your body can function through any symptoms, get out of bed. In the words of Dr. Claire Weekes, "float" through the steps to get ready for the day. (If you are dealing with anxiety, please read her book. There is a link at the left side of this page). "Float" through whatever you do until you realize you are not floating anymore.

The mindset of acceptance and tending to the tasks with a "floating" mindset has worked wonders for me. Knowing that I can function with shallow breathing, shaky hands, and racing heart has begun to desensitize my body. And... the meds help too.

Now (most mornings), I only have to "float" to my son's room, change his diaper, and now by the time I get him dressed, I realize I'm feeling fine!

It's not everyday. I certainly have days of "floating" all the way through breakfast, but most days are better. And... let's be real, some nights I read until 2:00 in the morning, and I pull the kids into my bed and let them watch while I snooze... which never ends well. You'd think I'd learn my lesson.

How do you deal with daily dread? We all deal with it sometimes... some of us just a lot more than others.

9 comments:

  1. I also suffer from anxiety and mornings are the worst. I take medication, which helps, but I like your suggestions too.

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    1. Thank you Shann. I hope they help. I can't say enough about Claire Weekes; her book has done wonders for me.

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  2. This was a wonderful read! I wake up some nights with a tight feeling in my chest and a racing heart. I convince myself it is a heart attack but if that was the truth then the attack would have have been going on since I was 17. I'm 35 haha. A therapist told me to breath through it and to relax each part of my body starting at my head and slowly go down to my toes. It helps a lot. Thanks for this!!!

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    1. You are welcome. I hear you on that heart attack business! Breathing is a great technique. It is so hard for me though! I don't know why, I just have a hard time deep breathing. It works for so many people... But, I still always try : )

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  3. This was a wonderful read! I wake up some nights with a tight feeling in my chest and a racing heart. I convince myself it is a heart attack but if that was the truth then the attack would have have been going on since I was 17. I'm 35 haha. A therapist told me to breath through it and to relax each part of my body starting at my head and slowly go down to my toes. It helps a lot. Thanks for this!!!

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  4. Love these blogs, Chris, and love you too.

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  5. Hi Christina, I thought I'd have a read of your blog and am pleasantly surprised how similar it seems we are! I can relate massively when you say every night is like a Sunday night. The dread I sometimes feel (I have medication also which has eased this) is immense and awful. I like how you read too. This is a great escape for me. I've also found blogging about anxiety helps too. Hope all is well and keep going because you're doing great!

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  6. Hi Christina, I thought I'd have a read of your blog and am pleasantly surprised how similar it seems we are! I can relate massively when you say every night is like a Sunday night. The dread I sometimes feel (I have medication also which has eased this) is immense and awful. I like how you read too. This is a great escape for me. I've also found blogging about anxiety helps too. Hope all is well and keep going because you're doing great!

    ReplyDelete